Loving Amy by Janis Winehouse

Author:Janis Winehouse
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin’s Press
Published: 2015-12-15T16:00:00+00:00

10

Fly Me To The Moon

In the days after the Sanderson Hotel furore a story started to circulate that Amy’s blood-soaked ballet pumps were the result of her injecting drugs. I didn’t know what Amy was capable of now, but there were some stories I chose to disregard. As far as I know, Amy only ever smoked heroin or crack cocaine – a belief later confirmed by Blake in an interview he did on The Jeremy Kyle Show in 2013, after Amy’s passing. Not that that made it any easier for me to accept. I’d found myself with a whole new set of questions to wrestle with. If Amy was drinking, was it better than taking hard drugs? If she was smoking drugs, was it better than injecting? It became a case of take your pick. If I’m brutally honest, what did any of us really know back then?

When I finally caught up with Amy after the argument in the Sanderson she simply refused to discuss it. It had become a regular pattern for her never to talk about what had gone before, as if secrecy had become her best friend. I no longer seemed to be dealing with a rational person.

‘Amy, I hate seeing you like this,’ I said to her.

‘Leave it, Mum, I’m fine,’ she replied. ‘Don’t worry about me.’

Thank God Cynthia wasn’t alive to see this, I thought. She wouldn’t have understood. Although if she had been alive, would she have been the only person able to talk some sense into her?

Amy and Blake flew to St Lucia that week. Mitchell had wanted to confiscate Amy’s passport, but Amy had asked Juliette to bring both hers and Blake’s to the hotel along with money so that they could leave. Amy would have found a way no matter who tried to stop her. It sounds awful to say it, but that week was a relief for me. There were times I didn’t want the phone to ring. I didn’t know who or what was going to be on the other end of the line. I was scared of what newspaper stories would emerge next. How had my love for Amy, our love for each other, become so distorted?

It was while Amy and Blake were out of the country that the Fielder-Civils decided they were going to have their say. In what can only be described as a bizarre interview on Radio 5 Live they pleaded with the record-buying public to stop financing Amy and Blake’s drugs habit by not buying Amy’s records, saying that ‘her addiction and her behaviour is not acceptable’.

Seriously, what good would a boycott of Amy’s records have done? It was clutching at straws. Whether Amy was a millionaire or living in a cardboard box, she and Blake would have found a way to satisfy their habit come hell or high water. They were now regular users of crack cocaine, one of the most addictive illegal drugs. The intense highs they were experiencing were quickly followed by intense lows followed by an even greater craving for the next hit.

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